The CIA Meets Anime
by Trmpetplaya1
Summary: Hehe, a confrontation with anime by the CIA! First abductees: the Gundam guys! (and Relena...) You get to vote which anime series gets interrogated next. Very funny (If I do say so myself) so please read and review!! ^_^


1 The CIA Meets Anime  
  
AN-Scenario: Okay, imagine, just imagine, that most of the intelligent people in America started acting…well, weird. (Well, weirder than they already are.) And lets say that these so-called 'smart (yet weird) people' started to worry a certain group known as the Central Intelligence Agency. Well, after extensive research on the reasons behind the weirdness, this 'CIA' has come to find that all of these smart people tend to have one thing in common, one very big thing. Anime. So, what does our dear Central Intelligence Agency do in such times as these? Why, what any little major government agency does: Investigate! ^_^ So, here you have it, the full records of these investigations taken by none other than yours truly! Demo, don't let it get out; I'm not exactly supposed to have these…*sirens in the distance* Whoops. Eeto…I gotta jet! Ja ne!! *flees, taking with her a stuffed duffel bag* Ack!!!  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. But I'm working on it. ^_^  
  
  
  
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~  
  
The tape (for that's what the records are, but of course you can't see video very well on ff.net so I've conveniently put them in script form for y'all) opens with a dark, empty room with a chair in the center. Above it is a single light (you know, the circle-shaded ones, like in the movies) and there are straps on the arms and legs of the chair. To be brief: it is quite a dreary, creepy, not-somewhere-you'd-want-to-raise-your-kids-in place. After about a minute or so, the door behind the chair creaks open and two male agents roughly leading another person with a bag over their head enter, followed by a female recorder. (You know, to record…stuff…*sweatdrop*) The men forcibly seat the person and begin strapping them in. After double checking the restraints, they remove the bag.  
  
Agent #1: *is handed some papers by the female recorder**reads them* Heero Yuy, eh? (AN-'cause that's who it is, in case ur wondering.)  
  
Heero: Hn.  
  
Agent #1: Heero Yuy…but that's not your real name, is it.  
  
Heero: Hn.  
  
Agent #1: That's what I thought. Are you aware of where you are?  
  
Heero:…  
  
Agent #2: He asked you a question; answer yes or no.  
  
Heero: No.  
  
A#1: Do you know why you are here?  
  
Heero: No.  
  
A#1: How old are you?  
  
Heero: ……  
  
A#2: Answer the question.  
  
Heero: 15.  
  
A#1: Now, you, a fifteen year-old boy, were found with this in your possession when we picked you up. *holds up Heero's gun* Does this belong to you?  
  
Heero: Yes.  
  
A#1: And where did you get it?  
  
Heero: *mumbles*  
  
A#2: Speak up! *approaches the chair while flexing his muscles*  
  
Heero: …my pants…  
  
All other three: EH?!?  
  
Recorder: *clears throat* Ahem. Young man this is no time for joking. Where did you get the gun?  
  
Heero: I told you: my pants.  
  
A#1: I understand that that's where you keep it (*sweatdrop*), but where did you receive your gun from?  
  
Heero: I've already told you! *death glare*  
  
A#1: *backs up a bit* Okay. I'm going to ask one more time. Where. Did. You. Get. The. Gun. ?.  
  
Heero: *still glaring* From. My. Pants. !.  
  
Recorder: *trying a different approach* Now, Mr. Yuy-  
  
Heero: Yuy-san.  
  
Recorder: -okay, Yuy-SAN. You can not have possibly just looked down one day, and there in your pants found a gun!  
  
Heero: Why not?  
  
A#2: *getting impatient* Because it just doesn't work like that!!  
  
Recorder: *gives A#2 the 'excuse-me-but-I-believe-I'm-handling-this look*  
  
A#2: *backs off sheepishly*  
  
Recorder: Yes, but Mr.-I mean, Yuy-san, things just don't appear, like guns and oh…*waves hand* big, powerful, robots. You know.  
  
Heero: They are gundam. Yes, they do. And no, I don't know.  
  
A#1: *sighs exasperatedly* Are you trying to tell us that you just got up one day and found not only a gun but a robot, or gundam, as you call it suddenly in your possession?  
  
Heero: Not in that order, but yes.  
  
*collective sweatdrop*  
  
A#1: *sighs again* Okay, I think we've gotten all we can out of this one. Tell Mack to bring in the other one.  
  
A#2: Gotcha. *covers Heero's head once again with the bag (AN-Hehe, Hee- chan's going to have bag-hair ^_~) and, after undoing the restraints, leads him out of the room. Comes back a few minutes later with another bagged person, although with some difficulty; the person appears to be struggling violently and muttering muffled curses*  
  
Bagged Person: Mmmpph!! Mmmph mmmph mwph!!  
  
A#2: *straps him to the chair and removes the bag*  
  
Bagged Person: -go! Let me GO!!! *struggling with the restraints*  
  
A#1: *pacing in front of the chair* Duo Maxwell. I hope your ride was pleasant?  
  
Duo: 'Pleasant?' You call a four hour ride in the back of a trunk with no food pleasant? You've gotta be kidding me!! Now let me go!!  
  
A#2: Oh, we will…once we're done with you…*smirks*  
  
Duo: *horrified look* No…you're not gonna…  
  
A#2: *smirk grows to an evil grin* Yes.  
  
Duo: *gasp* No…  
  
A#2: *evil chuckle* Yes.  
  
Duo: No!! Please, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
A#2: *evil laugh* Yes!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
Duo: *stops shuddering* Um…what exactly are you gonna do?  
  
*all fall anime style w/three rather large sweatdrops above them*  
  
A#1: *sigh* We're going to interrogate you.  
  
Duo: Oh. *pause* What's interrogate? Does it have to do with food?  
  
*all fall again*  
  
Duo: ??  
  
A#2: No, you idiot! We're going to ask you a bunch of questions until you breakdown and tell us your whole story and plan!!!!  
  
Duo: Oh!! Well that's not so hard! *smiles* Hi! I'm Duo Maxwell! My favorite colors are polka-dot and plaid, I'm also known as Shinigami, I piloted the sugoi gundam Deathscythe, until it got upgraded to Deathscythe Hell, I'm a gundam pilot (as previously stated) along with four other really wack dudes, every now and then I like to go and foil OZ's plans, make money, and chill at home watching TV, then throw things at the screen whenever Relena makes those stupid speeches about peace and junk, I like long walks on the beach, sunsets, and-  
  
Recorder: Wait a sec…*writing swiftly*  
  
Duo: *waiting patiently*  
  
A#1: *scribbling* Hang on, I'm still on 'Deathscythe'. Is that one word or two?  
  
Duo: One.  
  
A#1: *ignoring Duo* And what the heck is 'sugoi'?  
  
A#2: *flipping through dictionary* Don't ask me, I'm still trying to figure out what 'wack' means…  
  
Recorder: And what in the world is OZ? Mental Note: Get records of all foreign organizations and research all with initials O-Z…*writing*  
  
Our little Shinigami, noticing that the three are occupied, fiddles with the wrist straps and before you can say 'sayonara, minna-san', he's free. After checking to make sure the CIA agents are still occupied, he slips out unnoticed and goes off on a search for the vending machines.  
  
~Hours later…~  
  
A#1: …so, do you like long walks on the beach with sunsets, or just long walks on th-*looks up* Darn it! He flew the coop!!  
  
A#2: ARGHH!!! *kicks the metal, attached to the floor by bolts, chair in anger**the chair, of course, doesn't move* Ooooooowwwwwwwww!!!  
  
Recorder: *sigh* There goes my promotion…  
  
A#2: Oh, shut up. You haven't gotten a promotion in over 10 years!!  
  
*glaring contest follows b/w the recorder and A#2*  
  
A#1: *ahem* If you guys are finished, we still have more to interrogate.  
  
A#2: *crosses arms* Fine. But only if she stops being annoying.  
  
Recorder: *sticks out her tongue*  
  
A#1: *sweatdrop*  
  
A#2: *leaves and returns momentarily with another bagged person*  
  
Bagged Person: *is strapped into the chair*…………  
  
A#2: *removes the bag* Oh my…What happened to your hair?!  
  
Bagged Person:……………  
  
Recorder: Oh, come now, I think it's kinda cute. You know, mysterious. *giggles*  
  
A#2: Oh, just shut up already!! *pouts, obviously jealous*  
  
A#1: AHEM!!! In case you didn't notice, we have another person here that we're supposed to be questioning! *points; the two sigh and stop giggling/pouting* Now, Trowa Barton. Or should I say, Triton Bloom.  
  
Trowa:…………  
  
A#2: *snorts* Bloom, what a dorky name…  
  
Recorder: *glares at Agent #2*  
  
A#1: *sighs* Trowa, or Triton-  
  
Trowa: Former.  
  
A#1: Eh?  
  
Recorder: *stops glaring long enough to answer* He means the former; call him by the former: Trowa. *goes back to glaring*  
  
A#1: Oh. Well, Trowa, I understand that you took that name from someone else. Am I correct?  
  
Trowa: ………  
  
A#1: Huh?  
  
Recorder: *sigh* He says 'yes'.  
  
A#2: And how do you know that? *looks at her skeptically*  
  
Recorder: Oh, c'mon. I've worked around excited or depressed nerds all my life; you can't get a single straight sentence out of them so you have to figure out what they're saying on your own. After ten years you get used to it, I guess. *shrugs*  
  
(AN-No, I am NOT condemning Trowa to nerdom, I'm just trying to explain how she can understand him and I'm making fun of the CIA at the same time. Two birds; one stone. Besides, HAVE you heard nerds when they're trying to get something out that they're really excited about? Makes no sense whatsoever. I outta know; I am one. ^_^)  
  
A#1: Okay…  
  
Recorder: What?  
  
A#1: Oh, nothing…  
  
Recorder: No, what?  
  
A#2: Yeah, what?  
  
A#1: Nothing!!  
  
Recorder: If you don't tell me soon…*rolls up her sleeves*  
  
Trowa: Actually, what he is trying to say is what he thinks about the morality of the predicament of-*goes on to make the second longest speech of his life (AN-I'm sorry, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING can top the Vayaete speech. Nothing.)*  
  
Trowa: -concluding that we are all nothing more than blind individuals, running around the hamster wheel of life. *looks at the other three who have fallen asleep over the longevity of his words and his speech*…………*uses his hair to free the arm restraints, unfastens his other ones and walks quietly out the door, hands in pockets*  
  
~Moments later…~  
  
Recorder: *wakes up**groggily* Hmmm…nice nap-HEY!! *looks around frantically* Wake up! WAKE UP!!! *whacks them both on the head with her records*  
  
A#2: *awake and hurting* Oww…what'd you do that for?!  
  
A#1: *glances at the chair* Oh. That. *sigh* That's the second one today…  
  
A#2: ARGH!! That's IT!! *storms out the room*  
  
Recorder: *blink* Do you think he left for good?  
  
A#1: I dunno…*looks up as A#2 re-enters the room, roughly escorting another bagged person* (AN-betcha can't guess who it is, huh?)  
  
A#2: *very roughly shoves the person into the chair and puts the restraints on as tight as possible before he rips off the bag* Okay, listen up, you! *glares at the quivering guy* You are going to answer some questions and you are going to do so with no lies, no mumbling, no stalls, and absolutely no '……'s or long-winded speeches. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?  
  
Person: *nods fearfully*  
  
A#2: Good. Now, talk.  
  
Person: M-my name is Quatre Raberba Winner. I'm the soul heir to the Winner estate and the pilot of the gundam Sandrock. I'm-I'm…*water begins to rise in those puppy-dog eyes (AN-Ack! No more rhymes!!)*  
  
Recorder: *feeling sorry* Now look, you're making him cry.  
  
A#2: So?!? He needs to answer! Keep talking, boy!!!  
  
Quatre: *sniffle* Um, do you think you could possibly loosen these straps? I can't feel my hands…  
  
A#2: No! Talk!!  
  
A#1: Erm, don't you think you could-  
  
A#2: NOOO!!  
  
A#1: *takes a step back*  
  
Quatre: Please, mister?  
  
A#2: Only after you're done telling me what I want to know! *glares at poor Quatre*  
  
Quatre: I'll tell you anything, just please loosen these.  
  
A#2: NO!!  
  
Quatre: But…*goes into Zero mode* Release me now.  
  
A#2: Haven't I already told you no?  
  
Quatre: I shall give you to the count of three. One…  
  
A#2: *laughing* And what are you going to do to me, huh?  
  
Quatre: *weird, calm maniac look in eyes* …two…  
  
A#2: *starting to get scared*  
  
Quatre: …three. *evil smirk*  
  
A#2: Well?  
  
Quatre: *using his Zero mode strength he breaks the restraints without so much as an injury to himself and glares at the three*  
  
Agents: *step back looking very scared*  
  
Quatre: *still in Zero mode* Now, I am going to leave and you are not going to follow me, understand?  
  
Others: *nod frantically*  
  
Quatre: Good. *switches back to normal* Bai-bai!! *runs out before they can do anything*  
  
A#2: Okay. That settles it. I am SO going to stop reading those serial thrillers after lunch…  
  
A#1: *gulps* I hear you…  
  
Recorder: *still staring at empty, restraint-broken chair, mouth on the floor*  
  
A#1: *sigh* Four down, one to go. Agent 2?  
  
A#2: *nods and goes to get the last person* (AN-Hmmm…I wonder who it could be... -_-)  
  
Bagged Person: Let me free, imbeciles!! Injustice!!!  
  
A#1: *sighs again* Let's get this over with…*pulls off the bag (AN-Oh, I forgot, b/c of Quatre's little, erm, episode, Agent #2 is holding this person with their hands behind their back, seeing as the chair is now useless)* Wufei Chang, I'm guessing?  
  
Wufei: And who wants to guess?  
  
Recorder: Erm, I believe the correct phrase is 'who wants to know?'  
  
Wufei: *mumbles* Baka onna…  
  
Recorder: *vein pop* Excuse me?!?  
  
Wufei: Nothing…  
  
A#1: Okay, Chang, I want you to tell us all about you plans and be quick about it. *glances at watch* Because I'm hungry.  
  
Wufei: Ha! You weaklings will get nothing out of me for I am under the guidance of Nataku! You have no ground against me!!  
  
A#1: *grins* Wanna bet? *pulls out a feather*  
  
~30 minutes later…~  
  
Wufei: *laughing uncontrollably* Hahahaha!! Okay, okay hahaha, I'll *giggle* tell you *laugh* anything hahaha you want hehehehehe!!!!  
  
A#1: *stops tickling the Shenlong pilot* Fine. Spill.  
  
Wufei proceeds to tell them in a very detailed manner all about the gundam and Op. Meteor and whatnot, but mostly bores them with talk of his precious Nataku.  
  
Wufei: And so when I fight, I make sure to do so honorably, which means that I try not to mess up the paint. And…  
  
Recorder: Okay, okay, we get it! You can go now!!  
  
Wufei: Onna! I was NOT finished talking!!  
  
Recorder: Oh yeah? *brandishes a fist*  
  
Wufei: Heh heh…did I say 'not finished'? Heh heh heh, I meant 'just finished'!  
  
Recorder: *drops fist* I thought so. *turns to Agent #2* Okay, you can release him; we've gotten all the information we need.  
  
A#2: *releases him* Thank goodness, my arms were getting sore…  
  
Recorder: *snorts* You're such a weakling…  
  
A#2: What?!?  
  
*yet another glaring contest*  
  
Wufei: Erm, I guess I'll just…leave…*slowly backs out away from the two glarers*  
  
A#1: *sigh* C'mon you two. Now's not the time for flirting; we've gotta go home, remember?  
  
Recorder: Fine…*still glaring*  
  
A#2: Fine…*still glaring*  
  
A#1: *pushes them both out of the room**turns to shut of the lights (or 'light' seeing as there's only one)* You know, I have the strangest feeling we're forgetting something…*sigh* Oh well; must be old age. *turns off light*  
  
~Somewhere in the trunk of a black CIA car…~  
  
Relena: *pounding on top of trunk* Hello? Can anyone hear me? Hello?!? *pounding* Can someone help me? Please? I can't breathe!!! Hello? HEEEEEEEERRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Heero: *walking out of the parking lot with the other guys* Hey, did you guys hear something? *stops to listen*  
  
Relena: *muffled* HHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Quatre: No, nothing.  
  
Duo: Nope; sorry!  
  
Trowa:……………  
  
Wufei: Looks like you need your hearing checked, Yuy.  
  
Heero: *shrugs* Guess it was nothing…  
  
*they all leave the parking lot*  
  
Relena: HHHEEEEEEEEEERR-*runs out of air* X_X  
  
  
  
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~  
  
  
  
AN-  
  
*looks over at the little scroll bar* Wow. I haven't written this much in a while!! ^_^ Well, for the next chapter I'm gonna let you guys vote on which anime characters I should 'abduct'. Just leave a review and include one of the following anime. I'll tally 'em up and that'll be the next chapter! Look for it in about…well, we'll just say when I get 10-20 votes. Fair enough? Good. Be sure to leave a review! Vote and be counted!!! ^_~ Ja ne!!  
  
-Trmpetplaya1 (trmpetgrl1@icqmail.com)  
  
1.1 Anime Choices For the Next Chapter  
  
Fushigi Yuugi  
  
Card Captor Sakura  
  
Ranma ½  
  
Escaflowne  
  
X/1999  
  
Ah! Megami-sama!  
  
Any other ones that I left off  
  
P.S. For choice #7 I will kinda have to have seen the anime. I'm only including it b/c, well, I have this really bad memory and I KNOW I'm seen more shows, demo, I can't really remember them all…*sweatdrop* So if you mention some others, maybe it'll jog my memory. Remember to vote! Ja! 


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